Sunday, April 1, 2012

Real G's Move in Silence Like Lasagna

This has needed saying for quite some time.  It's time I put it out there.

Real G's do not, in fact, move in silence like lasagna.

My husband listens to a lot of rap, which I am not a fan of, except when the rapper says something so ridiculous to make a rhyme that I am fully justified in mocking it mercilessly for weeks to come until my husband gets so irritated that his face turns red and he switches to all classical, all the time, and I win win win.  Okay, that hasn't actually happened.  Yet.

Usually, however, he agrees with me that the line is ridiculous.  "Standin' at my podium, tryna watch my sodium" is undeniably ridiculous.  And "warriors" is not pronounced "warius" - you really can't argue the point.  However, the line titling this blog post has been a point of contention for some time.  It is ridiculous and flat out wrong on two counts, and here's why:

1) The grammar of the sentence suggests that a G's silent movement is akin to lasagna's silent movement.  And that's lasagna as a collective, might I add.  Now, we all know that lasagna can't move.  It does not, in fact, sneak off your plate.  But, to be generous, let's say that lasagna can move.  Humor me.  What kind of sound would it make?  One of two I would think.  Either it would clatter about, being in a glass or metal pan.  Moving independently, it would probably make a sound something like "splooch" as it glops to the floor.  Ergo, lasagnas are not silent while in motion and the comparison is wrong.

2) Okay, yes, I know that what the rapper means (but completely fails to say) is that the "g" in lasagna is silent, much like a G.  This is also wrong.  Imagine that "lasagna" was actually spelled "lasana."  Say it out loud.  It's not the same, is it?  Now try saying "nochhi."  Much easier to say than "gnocchi," right?*  That's because in Italian g+n=n-yuh.  Just because it does not make the classic American "gee" or "guh" sounds, does not in fact mean that that "g" is silent.  It's just covert.

There you have it - unassailable proof that real Gs' silence is in no way akin to lasagnas or anything therein.  And also that we should change the station because no, I will not let it go.

*To all you people that have never ordered gnocchi in restaurants for fear of making fools of themselves, the "gn" in gnocchi is pronounce n-yuh, like in lasagna, and the "i" is long, like the American letter "e."  Order away, my fellow munchers.
**Highly mocked song lyric from "6 Foot 7 Foot" by Lil Wayne


  1. So when I first read that line I totally thought of it in terms of lasagna moving (and I heard the splooch sound). Even knowing what he meant the line still sounds he's talking about the stealthiness of Italian noodles, which is a stereotype I think we should perpetuate.

  2. You just don't get it..... word play.