So I was at the bookstore today attempting to buy a book with an employee discount that I don't technically have*, and I saw one of those literary spinoff books that always make me simultaneously curious but leery, like Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters and Mrs. DuMaurier. This one was called Wuthering Bites (clever, no?) and professed to reveal the truth of Heathcliff's mysterious background. It would seem that Heathcliff's mother was a vampire hunter and his father was (wait for it) a vampire. I promptly vomited in my mouth and went home to tell my husband about the abomination**. Though he's never read Emily Bronte's demon-free original, he did watch (and enjoy) the movie with me, and thus I assumed that he would commiserate with me. His response to the revelations of the truth of Heathcliff's past? "I'm not surprised." I can't decide whether to be sad or amused. Or to forgive the author.
*I work for Barnes and Noble College, so it's not so farfetched to assume that a regular Barnes and Noble store would accept me as an employee seeing as how I'm employed by the same company. Whatever, we make more.
**To the author of Wuthering Bites, should she read this: I'm sure your book is just lovely, but the undead-ization of everything ever just does not appeal to me. Please forgive my slanderous comments as the wild postulations of the uninitiated.