Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Twilight Book Review (yeah, right)

Before we go any farther, let me get this out in the open: I hate Twilight.  Yes, I have read it and I can see why it is so addictive.  Yes, I found myself on wikipedia shortly thereafter reading the summaries to the other books because I had to know how they turned out but had no desire to actually read them.  Because Twilight is offensive. Besides the engaging plot, it has a lot of negative female stereotypes to offer the world and I'm just not okay with that.  What makes it worse is that it was written by a woman for young, impressionable girls!  Instead of giving your daughter Twilight for her birthday, why not just tell her "You're a woman and therefore weak.  You will never become anything without a man"?  That way, you'll save some money and a tree and still get the point across.  It's a sad state of things that Twilight is such a phenomenon right now.  And it's captivated both my sister (who gave me the book) and my mother (unto whom I unloaded myself of it, per her request)!  These are strong women, superwomen even, raising three kids apiece and working full-time and generally making something of themselves independent of the men in their lives yet still they have fallen prey to Twilight.  They enjoy reading about a useless female who is defined by men.  I don't understand it.

On a related note, for my bachelorette party a few months back my friends took me to a comedy club to see Craig Robinson, which was unexpected and amazing.  The absolute best part of his performance was when he went awkwardly silent for close to a minute then looked up and said, "F*ck Twilight."  Or maybe it was when we gave him a chocolate penis.
But whether you love Twilight or not, there is a choice to be made: Edward or Jacob?  Cocky vampire or sniveling werewolf?  Which magical creature do you choose?  Which hunky chunk of manflesh do you want nibbling your neck?  For me, there is only one possible answer:
Yes, I was embarassed to be found in the vicinity of the Twilight books.
The things I do for this blog.
That's right, I'm on Team Darcy and I have the t-shirt to prove it.  My lovely friend Robin made me this t-shirt as a belated Bachelorette party gift and I'm proud to wear it and proclaim to the world that I am Team Darcy!  Because really, who needs an inhuman mate when you can have Pemberley?  Sure, there's sexism in Victorian England but at least it's not masked behind blood-sucking demons and making a mockery of my mom.  Plus, Darcy's human and that means non-creepy babies.

PS. Didn't Robin do an awesome job?  She designed the graphic and everything!  The husband thought that I had bought it, that's how well she did!  I am currently trying to convince her to open an Etsy shop because I heart Etsy.  Also Robin.


  1. A post containing anti-Twilight sentiment, Craig Robinson, and the phrases "non-creepy babies" and "chocolate penis". Some of your best work yet, love.

  2. Okay, I almost didn't read the post because honestly, I'm so over Twilight-craziness I can't even be bothered to be attracted to Taylor Lautner (who is far hotter than Robert Pattinson).

    But I'm glad I read this, because I got to see your awesome Darcy shirt. Now I have to admit I have never read the book and need to.

  3. OMG you got to meet Craig Robinson!!! OMG!!!

  4. Thanny - Upon first reading, I assumed you meant that you need to read Twilight, which saddened me and made me confused as to whether you understood the post. Now I realize that you meant Pride and Prejudice and I feel much better. Yes, you should read it!

  5. To try and see what all the fuss is about, I've tried reading a little bit of the first book in the Twilight series when I've been in Barnes and Noble but I really just can't get past the first page because of:

    (a) the cliche and predictable writing

    (b) the concern that people will see me peeking in this book and think I am actually one of the many girls that have gotten sucked into this series.